Magda Gerber said, "Wait"

02/04/2013

Observation is key! Wait, wait, wait. I am learning to read my new boy's signs, a lot earlier than my previous children. It still feels a little odd to be warning D of a nappy change/a wipe/ before I pick him up/give him milk etc. But it also has an effect on me when I speak my intent. It centers me somewhat and connects me with D in a real respectful way.

Another thing I have noticed is I don't "shhhh" any more. I can hear the woman next door with her infant. It sounds like such frantic desperation on her part rather than any soothing
type of comfort for the child. And the fact he continues to cry is telling. This is a notable change in me as i am no longer afraid to hear a cry. Crying is now a call to attention and an opportunity to watch and listen and WAIT.

Positive connections- no matter how brief

02/04/2013

The children were getting restless during their visit during my second day in hospital. As tensions began to rise withvmy 2 year old squirting more antibacterial solution on the floor and 3 year old slamming another finger in the door. After months of feeling like i had a disability, I was used to sitting helpless  as the children melted down and my husband or big daughter would come to the rescue.  I suddenly realised my body was back and jumped into action.

The bath for D had just been made but D fell asleep. I asked midwife for extra towels and put 3 and 2 year old in the Shower. Hospitals are full of great resources for water play! sick bags, soecimen cups make brilliant water playthings! I was able to hand bub over to dad then sit and observe my darling babes play.  Not saying "No" and No pressure. A lovely play and a positive experience with mummy in a time
where they will experience a lot of change and conflictibg emotions .They were so happy. I even got one of O's heartfelt "I love you mummy" while I was drying him. Great too that their nightly shower was taken care of to give hubby a break. This was a great reminder to me that I will need to create moments like these for my other children and even for husband. (not water play for him though)

The day of birth reflections

31/03/2013

Observation has begun. I Immediately realise differences and 'holding back' as I give my little man the benefit of the doubt that "he can"! My desire to hold and smother him with kisses is being tempered as I see that my need to kiss him and squeeze him tight may not be his need right now. I want to let D get to know this windy, cool, noisy world on his terms.

Lieing in the delivery suite with my squishy vernix covered newborn on my chest, I reflect on attachment type practice of holding baby close at all times. Yes he will be held close by me, but I will wait more to read if that is what he wants. My little D, is capable,  strong, adaptable, able to make sense of the world in his own terms. I will provide support with careful and slow observation.