Play objects continued

As per Jessica's request for a shopping list.
Head to Ikea, Japan Home (HK), or any supermarket or store like Thingz (Western Australia).
When looking for play objects for your infant, remember to check out RIE literature such as Dear Parent, by Magda Gerber. She shared a lot there. But as far as providing interesting objects for my children, of mixed ages, both in the classroom and at home, here they are.

Think safety first. Not having pieces, not being able to swallow, not too heavy and not sharp and not toxic!
Think texture!

• Stainless steel bowls, not to large, different sizes. The reflective light is fascinating to my children. The sound it makes when tapped on hard surface is a great surprise.
• Silicon in different shapes. Think oven mit, place mats. My 6 month old holds the flat square place mat and uses his hand to open and close it. He can watch it for ages. He also seems to enjoy the challenge of picking this flat object up from his mat.
• Plastic bowls, children are fascinated with objects and the idea of in and out. They will put their hand in and out of a bowl, toying with this concept of object permanence (my hand cant be seen but hey, magic, it is still there!)
• O-balls. Toys R us do not offer a lot in Hong Kong other than a nice selection of balls ;-) O-balls are light and easy to pick up. Great for chewing.
• One of the favourites for children of all ages has been a few clear plastic toothpick holders. The smooth round cover seems to fit nicely with a little click onto the base. Place a few safe things inside for interest.
• Plastic soap dishes. My 6 month old seems to get a real buz out of exploring the properties of objects, and isn't bored with plastic, as long as they have different shapes. A round soap dish with a few bumpy bits, hours of fun in his mouth, dropped to make noise, and for the big kids, to place things inside and carry around.
• Inflatable ring, or beach ball. These should not be blown up to capacity. Just enough left out so that even a 6 month old can grasp it. It provides a BIG object yet light enough to manipulate. When they are older, I went through so many. The bigger kids would roll on the balls and get a huge buzz out of that.
• Short lengths of plastic chain, available here in HK at most hardware stores, provide a great play object. It can be poured, and is interesting like a collection of small things, yet safe for small babies.
• I had a million old "Lamaze" baby toys. I remembered my older children never played with them. I used to look at them and think, why wont they play with this every day, they are so pretty and interesting (to me)? I believe that they are too complicated, and from my observations of children with simple play objects, they need objects which they can "make sense of" (Gerber). Simplicity gives them the most enjoyment. Anyhow, these Lamaze toys did have something for me, I chopped off all of the small plastic rings, so now my babies have a lovely colourful collection of shiny plastic rings, easy to manipulate and much more attractive now they are not attached to those crazy and complicated Lamaze toys.

You're not my friend!

Observation:

Three children, aged approximately 3, 4 and 5 years old. The older two clearly have a lot in common, seeking each other for play whenever they get together (once a week). They share a history (spending week days together in a playgroup since toddlerhood). It is pointed out to me by one of their educators that, “The older two don’t seem to like the youngest.” I commence my own observations.

I see the 3 year old clearly infatuated by the older two. Tagging along, attempting to be with them and eager to join their game. The older two do what they can to NOT let the 3 year old in their play. Quite simply, the 3 year old seems to annoy them. The older two are using a lot of language that “excludes” the younger child, such as, “You’re my friend, you’re not my friend, let’s be friends”

Reflection:

Previously, perhaps prior to discovering the RIE approach, I would respond to these children with approach A) “Everybody here are friends, we are all here together, you have to try to get along.” Then launch into some form of finding a way to make them all play together. However, when I reflect and see it all at face value, and draw on the RIE method to: acknowledge, don’t fix and be there, then things change.

Approach B) We need to acknowledge the older two for what they feel “the younger child is new, you don’t want to play with him”. Then, to the 3 year old, “the other children don’t want to play with you right now. This upsets you, you want to play with them. They said no. I am here for you.”

Let’s look at what approach A) teaches the child.

• ·         Your feelings are not real,
• ·         I don’t trust you,
• ·         Suppress true feelings,
• ·         You need to rely on adults to fix your problems,
• ·         You have to do things you don’t like, even if you don’t know why, or don’t feel empathy.

Approach B)

·         Your feelings are valid,

·         You have a point of view,

·         You have the right to make choices,

·         You can get through this pain (the 3 year old) and face disappointment, and I will be here for you,

·         You can learn to empathise and consider others because I am empathizing and considering you! The power of role modelling is so often underestimated,

·          You can hear new ways of using language to express your feelings gently (hearing the alternative to “you are/aren't my friend” in my sports casting of “You want to play with, don’t want to play with___ right now.”)

Play Objects

Almost a month ago, I gave my lounge room a "makeover". I turned it into a play room. It looked beautiful and the environment was very calming and a nice place to hang out - but according to my children, not a nice place to play! My 2 years and 3.5 years old were always asking to play outside! Why didn't they ever want to touch their toys? "GO and play with your toys!" I found myself asking them. Aren't children who are brought up the RIE way supposed to initiate play and be self-directed?

This is how my lounge used to look. Memory of the flat screen that once dominated the lounge was still there.

My son during a rare self directed play moment in the changed, yet still uninspiring, environment with their old toys. Blocks, trains, cars, puzzles, dress ups, soft toys, duplo etc. The children rarely touch the toys. 





 

 So, I began to think that either, a) there is something wrong with my children, or, b) there is something wrong with my environment. I picked that it would most likely be B! One day I looked up a youtube video of the documentation of RIE training in a third world country, with orphanage staff. An image stuck in my head. It was the image of a group of children playing with typical RIE equipment. But what struck me as odd was that the children were older! I guess around 4, 5 or 6 years old. I thought that surely, children of this age need more stimulation. Surely they need DUPLO! or an IKEA train track and a basket full of cars?!

Watch the video here
I continued trying to figure out what was wrong with my environment, but still the thought of changing my resources didn't occur to me. 

 

Finally I bit the bullet and headed in to "Japan Home" and spent about $40 AUD on non toy, play objects.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Oh what's this? The washing machine hose proves to be an instant hit.

 

 

 

 

Below are a few quick snap shots of the new set up with the new materials.

 

I ended up removing the tea set- too many little pieces making the place too cluttered. Bottom left to right: Camphor balls in plastic bowls, basket with glass beads, metal bowls and a washing machine hose.

Instead of filling lots of containers with things, I left lots of empty baskets and containers - full of potential, not clutter.

A few books, miso bowls and Japanese bowl with lid, tooth pick holder and clear plastic jars, compartment tray, silicone mats and mit, a few cars.

 

 My first customer arrives! 1 year old S takes the bait. She previously went straight to the cupboard with plastic cups! We used to move a basket of baby bottles up high when she came!

  Little S showing her dad these interesting new objects.

 Chris 3.5 and Chi proving these objects are not just for infants and toddlers.

 

 L aged 3 immersed in play with the balls and bowls. He listens as the balls hit the different materials. I am no longer afraid of "dumping" as there are less objects now. The environment is ready for any "schema" be it dumping, throwing, enclosing etc.

 Finally, self directed play from my two children.

 

 Chi sees the potential in the empty basket!

 

 Later in the evening the objects are still a hit.

 

 True learning is taking place as he experiments with space and shape and incline, testing, hypothesizing, adjusting.

Big brother Chris pretends to be the "baby".

 

Role play begins as little sister prepares food for the "baby" (her big bro).

The wooden balls are stirred around and around in the colander. The textures and different materials make a sensory delight for Chi.

 Here baby!

 

Searching for something to be the "bottle".

Chi finds the toothpick holder and fills it with beads.

 Filling the holder with beads.

 

 

 

 

I will be looking forward to tomorrow to see if the self directed play continues. IF it does, I really will have strong evidence that the ideas promoted by RIE and Magda Gerber, really are not just for infants and toddlers.

 

 

 

Crying is a release

My husband works away. This began about 2 months ago. Before we were separated I created a bunch of videos of daily life with him and the children. I have balked at showing the children the videos as I have been worried I would be unable to cope with their emotions at seeing daddy and missing him.

 

Today I asked the children to join me to watch a video of daddy and the children. The video shows daddy arriving home from work and the children waiting and calling him and greeting him with hugs and kisses. As we began to watch, my 3.5 year old son's eyes began to fill with tears. He said softly, "I miss daddy". I held him closer and said, "Its ok to cry." To which he responded quite quickly with all out crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I MISS DADDY! I MISS DADDY! I MISS DADDY!". I just held him, told him I am there and I miss daddy so much too. Then, he sniffed and stopped and said, "Happy now!" (My children have a habit of saying this when they stop crying.)

 

As I held him through the tears, I no longer felt worried or anxious to make it stop. I actually understood quite deeply that this was a release for my little man. Unlike my daughter (2years) who melts down in tears most mornings, my son cries much less. The ability to let him cry and feel how he misses his dad really was a release for him. For me too.

"Happy now!"

 

 

 

Environment

Magda Gerber said, "Wait"

02/04/2013

Observation is key! Wait, wait, wait. I am learning to read my new boy's signs, a lot earlier than my previous children. It still feels a little odd to be warning D of a nappy change/a wipe/ before I pick him up/give him milk etc. But it also has an effect on me when I speak my intent. It centers me somewhat and connects me with D in a real respectful way.

Another thing I have noticed is I don't "shhhh" any more. I can hear the woman next door with her infant. It sounds like such frantic desperation on her part rather than any soothing
type of comfort for the child. And the fact he continues to cry is telling. This is a notable change in me as i am no longer afraid to hear a cry. Crying is now a call to attention and an opportunity to watch and listen and WAIT.

Positive connections- no matter how brief

02/04/2013

The children were getting restless during their visit during my second day in hospital. As tensions began to rise withvmy 2 year old squirting more antibacterial solution on the floor and 3 year old slamming another finger in the door. After months of feeling like i had a disability, I was used to sitting helpless  as the children melted down and my husband or big daughter would come to the rescue.  I suddenly realised my body was back and jumped into action.

The bath for D had just been made but D fell asleep. I asked midwife for extra towels and put 3 and 2 year old in the Shower. Hospitals are full of great resources for water play! sick bags, soecimen cups make brilliant water playthings! I was able to hand bub over to dad then sit and observe my darling babes play.  Not saying "No" and No pressure. A lovely play and a positive experience with mummy in a time
where they will experience a lot of change and conflictibg emotions .They were so happy. I even got one of O's heartfelt "I love you mummy" while I was drying him. Great too that their nightly shower was taken care of to give hubby a break. This was a great reminder to me that I will need to create moments like these for my other children and even for husband. (not water play for him though)

The day of birth reflections

31/03/2013

Observation has begun. I Immediately realise differences and 'holding back' as I give my little man the benefit of the doubt that "he can"! My desire to hold and smother him with kisses is being tempered as I see that my need to kiss him and squeeze him tight may not be his need right now. I want to let D get to know this windy, cool, noisy world on his terms.

Lieing in the delivery suite with my squishy vernix covered newborn on my chest, I reflect on attachment type practice of holding baby close at all times. Yes he will be held close by me, but I will wait more to read if that is what he wants. My little D, is capable,  strong, adaptable, able to make sense of the world in his own terms. I will provide support with careful and slow observation.