New crawlers playgroup

Wow! What a great playgroup today!  The space was perfect! A huge thanks to Crisel and Carsten for the use of Baumhaus! My big kids had a blast in the tree house, and the clean and clear room was just right for our playgroup. 

As always, in first classes, the quiet observation was hard! It really does take time, and practice to get into a good habit during a playgroup to learn to slow down. The kids are good at it though! Just goes to show how much we are used to action and information, that when it comes time to really be still, it can be very hard! Sensitive observation is an art, and with practice, we can get there. 

My baby really enjoyed herself. I really had not anticipated she would be as excited to see other infants! She is around her siblings day in, day out, so I didn't think she would be quite as alert to the other infants’ presence as she was! It is some kind of unspoken understanding that they are “friends” and kindred spirits perhaps. 

My little girl was extremely fascinated with baby S! My little one kept trying to touch baby S’s face. Was it the blue eyes? At first I let my girl touch baby S, but it got a bit on the scratchy side of touching, so I had to intervene a bit more, and block the touching.Baby S’s  mum also handled it beautifully, “sportscasting” calmly and gently blocking my eager girls hands.  It may have made a difference had baby S been able to roll away, out of harm's way (she is not yet rolling with intention). Either way, the adults were there for support. 

A link to a page that describes why we take the “less is more” approach during playgroups. http://www.janetlansbury.com/2014/06/share-wait-your-turn-dont-touch-playdate-rules-that-limit-learning-and-what-to-try-instead/ 

Here are some wonderful snaps of my little one with baby ‘B’. At first, there is a bit of observation. 

Next, things get a little ‘hands on’. My girl wants to touch. Baby B moves slightly. 

My girl seems to be getting a little enthusiastic, if Baby B cant move away independently, it may be time for a grown up to come close and lend a gentle hand.

Some adults got to see close up some real infant social skills! This was seen in the infant way of “sharing” aka taking the object when they see it, whether it is in a child’s hand or not. A noticed a few shocked faces, when I mentioned that we don’t intervene, and will allow the babies to take objects. To explain briefly, babies of this age are not developmentally ready to understand the idea of ownership, and the best way to “teach” sharing at this stage is to model it. We also see these first examples of interaction (taking objects from another child) as fantastic opportunities for learning, and jumping in to fix teaches the child they need us to fix things, as opposed to the message that they can be trusted to be capable. But of course, I understand what a great big jump away from our typical way of thinking this can be! Head over to this link to see a bundle of articles by Janet about sharing. 

http://www.janetlansbury.com/tag/sharing/

Another big topic today was in response to a parent who has a baby who doesn't like to be placed on her back. I have come across babies like this a lot. I gave some tips on helping to introduce her baby to more floor time, and demonstrated the RIE and Pikler way of lifting an infant, in order to keep their spine aligned, and to maintain the horizontal position. If your baby is not used to lieing down on their back, you can ease them into it slowly. We can possibly talk more about this next time as it is a bit too lengthy to share in this spot! 

Here is a post by Janet on the topic of sitting babies up. This post has questions in the comments section that ask about reflux babies too. 

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2012/04/sitting-babies-up-the-downside/

And another 

http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/11/how-to-stop-entertaining-your-baby/

Looking forward to another informal playgroup soon! 

Exploring Relationships with Infants and Toddlers

In my observations of infants and toddlers, I see children follow a fairly predictable path toward early peer interactions:
·         First the child feels safe in the environment. Some take longer than others. Once they understand their caregiver is close by if they need them, they feel confident to explore their surroundings. At this time it is important the adults send the message that the child can explore in their own way. The child may take a longer time to trust their own capabilities if they are used to adult led play.
·         The child explores the objects and physical structures in the environment.
·         The child begins to notice the other children in the space. They often spend time observing others them from a “safe” distance.
·         The child begins to explore the other children. This happens in a number of ways, such as: approaching others, taking objects the other child plays with, touching them, making eye contact, smiling and copying them.
The response of the caregivers at this time will influence their confidence in social situations. I demonstrate ways of supporting initial interactions and after some time, I begin to see the fruits of my labour! Children begin to problem solve when objects are taken from them and children begin to spontaneously share with other children.
The typical approach to a child taking an object is to tell the child, “No, that’s not yours, share!” Then the child will be required to give the object back. Due to the stage of a child’s development, their concept of ownership is not developed enough to understand this adult enforced idea. Their ‘take-away’ from this situation is, “Taking objects off others is ok.”, as that is essentially what the adult has demonstrated.
Instead, when I see children struggle, I come close slowly to ensure they are safe, and, beginning with the least intervention possible, I wait. I may offer my support by saying what I see, “You have the toy now, you don’t have it. “ I offer a voice by labelling their feelings, “You are upset, you want the toy.” I have to say, every situation is different, and sometimes I intervene more if I feel it is necessary. But with the RIE approach, I let children be the problem solvers, allowing them to see their own capabilities, instead of relying on adults to fix things for them. 

Play objects continued

As per Jessica's request for a shopping list.
Head to Ikea, Japan Home (HK), or any supermarket or store like Thingz (Western Australia).
When looking for play objects for your infant, remember to check out RIE literature such as Dear Parent, by Magda Gerber. She shared a lot there. But as far as providing interesting objects for my children, of mixed ages, both in the classroom and at home, here they are.

Think safety first. Not having pieces, not being able to swallow, not too heavy and not sharp and not toxic!
Think texture!

• Stainless steel bowls, not to large, different sizes. The reflective light is fascinating to my children. The sound it makes when tapped on hard surface is a great surprise.
• Silicon in different shapes. Think oven mit, place mats. My 6 month old holds the flat square place mat and uses his hand to open and close it. He can watch it for ages. He also seems to enjoy the challenge of picking this flat object up from his mat.
• Plastic bowls, children are fascinated with objects and the idea of in and out. They will put their hand in and out of a bowl, toying with this concept of object permanence (my hand cant be seen but hey, magic, it is still there!)
• O-balls. Toys R us do not offer a lot in Hong Kong other than a nice selection of balls ;-) O-balls are light and easy to pick up. Great for chewing.
• One of the favourites for children of all ages has been a few clear plastic toothpick holders. The smooth round cover seems to fit nicely with a little click onto the base. Place a few safe things inside for interest.
• Plastic soap dishes. My 6 month old seems to get a real buz out of exploring the properties of objects, and isn't bored with plastic, as long as they have different shapes. A round soap dish with a few bumpy bits, hours of fun in his mouth, dropped to make noise, and for the big kids, to place things inside and carry around.
• Inflatable ring, or beach ball. These should not be blown up to capacity. Just enough left out so that even a 6 month old can grasp it. It provides a BIG object yet light enough to manipulate. When they are older, I went through so many. The bigger kids would roll on the balls and get a huge buzz out of that.
• Short lengths of plastic chain, available here in HK at most hardware stores, provide a great play object. It can be poured, and is interesting like a collection of small things, yet safe for small babies.
• I had a million old "Lamaze" baby toys. I remembered my older children never played with them. I used to look at them and think, why wont they play with this every day, they are so pretty and interesting (to me)? I believe that they are too complicated, and from my observations of children with simple play objects, they need objects which they can "make sense of" (Gerber). Simplicity gives them the most enjoyment. Anyhow, these Lamaze toys did have something for me, I chopped off all of the small plastic rings, so now my babies have a lovely colourful collection of shiny plastic rings, easy to manipulate and much more attractive now they are not attached to those crazy and complicated Lamaze toys.

You're not my friend!

Observation:

Three children, aged approximately 3, 4 and 5 years old. The older two clearly have a lot in common, seeking each other for play whenever they get together (once a week). They share a history (spending week days together in a playgroup since toddlerhood). It is pointed out to me by one of their educators that, “The older two don’t seem to like the youngest.” I commence my own observations.

I see the 3 year old clearly infatuated by the older two. Tagging along, attempting to be with them and eager to join their game. The older two do what they can to NOT let the 3 year old in their play. Quite simply, the 3 year old seems to annoy them. The older two are using a lot of language that “excludes” the younger child, such as, “You’re my friend, you’re not my friend, let’s be friends”

Reflection:

Previously, perhaps prior to discovering the RIE approach, I would respond to these children with approach A) “Everybody here are friends, we are all here together, you have to try to get along.” Then launch into some form of finding a way to make them all play together. However, when I reflect and see it all at face value, and draw on the RIE method to: acknowledge, don’t fix and be there, then things change.

Approach B) We need to acknowledge the older two for what they feel “the younger child is new, you don’t want to play with him”. Then, to the 3 year old, “the other children don’t want to play with you right now. This upsets you, you want to play with them. They said no. I am here for you.”

Let’s look at what approach A) teaches the child.

• ·         Your feelings are not real,
• ·         I don’t trust you,
• ·         Suppress true feelings,
• ·         You need to rely on adults to fix your problems,
• ·         You have to do things you don’t like, even if you don’t know why, or don’t feel empathy.

Approach B)

·         Your feelings are valid,

·         You have a point of view,

·         You have the right to make choices,

·         You can get through this pain (the 3 year old) and face disappointment, and I will be here for you,

·         You can learn to empathise and consider others because I am empathizing and considering you! The power of role modelling is so often underestimated,

·          You can hear new ways of using language to express your feelings gently (hearing the alternative to “you are/aren't my friend” in my sports casting of “You want to play with, don’t want to play with___ right now.”)

Play Objects

Almost a month ago, I gave my lounge room a "makeover". I turned it into a play room. It looked beautiful and the environment was very calming and a nice place to hang out - but according to my children, not a nice place to play! My 2 years and 3.5 years old were always asking to play outside! Why didn't they ever want to touch their toys? "GO and play with your toys!" I found myself asking them. Aren't children who are brought up the RIE way supposed to initiate play and be self-directed?

This is how my lounge used to look. Memory of the flat screen that once dominated the lounge was still there.

My son during a rare self directed play moment in the changed, yet still uninspiring, environment with their old toys. Blocks, trains, cars, puzzles, dress ups, soft toys, duplo etc. The children rarely touch the toys. 





 

 So, I began to think that either, a) there is something wrong with my children, or, b) there is something wrong with my environment. I picked that it would most likely be B! One day I looked up a youtube video of the documentation of RIE training in a third world country, with orphanage staff. An image stuck in my head. It was the image of a group of children playing with typical RIE equipment. But what struck me as odd was that the children were older! I guess around 4, 5 or 6 years old. I thought that surely, children of this age need more stimulation. Surely they need DUPLO! or an IKEA train track and a basket full of cars?!

Watch the video here
I continued trying to figure out what was wrong with my environment, but still the thought of changing my resources didn't occur to me. 

 

Finally I bit the bullet and headed in to "Japan Home" and spent about $40 AUD on non toy, play objects.

Out with the old, in with the new.

Oh what's this? The washing machine hose proves to be an instant hit.

 

 

 

 

Below are a few quick snap shots of the new set up with the new materials.

 

I ended up removing the tea set- too many little pieces making the place too cluttered. Bottom left to right: Camphor balls in plastic bowls, basket with glass beads, metal bowls and a washing machine hose.

Instead of filling lots of containers with things, I left lots of empty baskets and containers - full of potential, not clutter.

A few books, miso bowls and Japanese bowl with lid, tooth pick holder and clear plastic jars, compartment tray, silicone mats and mit, a few cars.

 

 My first customer arrives! 1 year old S takes the bait. She previously went straight to the cupboard with plastic cups! We used to move a basket of baby bottles up high when she came!

  Little S showing her dad these interesting new objects.

 Chris 3.5 and Chi proving these objects are not just for infants and toddlers.

 

 L aged 3 immersed in play with the balls and bowls. He listens as the balls hit the different materials. I am no longer afraid of "dumping" as there are less objects now. The environment is ready for any "schema" be it dumping, throwing, enclosing etc.

 Finally, self directed play from my two children.

 

 Chi sees the potential in the empty basket!

 

 Later in the evening the objects are still a hit.

 

 True learning is taking place as he experiments with space and shape and incline, testing, hypothesizing, adjusting.

Big brother Chris pretends to be the "baby".

 

Role play begins as little sister prepares food for the "baby" (her big bro).

The wooden balls are stirred around and around in the colander. The textures and different materials make a sensory delight for Chi.

 Here baby!

 

Searching for something to be the "bottle".

Chi finds the toothpick holder and fills it with beads.

 Filling the holder with beads.

 

 

 

 

I will be looking forward to tomorrow to see if the self directed play continues. IF it does, I really will have strong evidence that the ideas promoted by RIE and Magda Gerber, really are not just for infants and toddlers.

 

 

 

Crying is a release

My husband works away. This began about 2 months ago. Before we were separated I created a bunch of videos of daily life with him and the children. I have balked at showing the children the videos as I have been worried I would be unable to cope with their emotions at seeing daddy and missing him.

 

Today I asked the children to join me to watch a video of daddy and the children. The video shows daddy arriving home from work and the children waiting and calling him and greeting him with hugs and kisses. As we began to watch, my 3.5 year old son's eyes began to fill with tears. He said softly, "I miss daddy". I held him closer and said, "Its ok to cry." To which he responded quite quickly with all out crying, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I MISS DADDY! I MISS DADDY! I MISS DADDY!". I just held him, told him I am there and I miss daddy so much too. Then, he sniffed and stopped and said, "Happy now!" (My children have a habit of saying this when they stop crying.)

 

As I held him through the tears, I no longer felt worried or anxious to make it stop. I actually understood quite deeply that this was a release for my little man. Unlike my daughter (2years) who melts down in tears most mornings, my son cries much less. The ability to let him cry and feel how he misses his dad really was a release for him. For me too.

"Happy now!"

 

 

 

Environment